So. The election season from Dante’s 7th circle of hell is over. As hellish as it was, some good DID come out of it, at least in my opinion. We have 19 women Senators in U.S. Congress. Elizabeth Warren? She’s … Continue reading
There’s a Psalm in the Bible that speaks of God “being our refuge & strength.”
While I am at a crossroads with my faith (more on this in another post) I’d like to believe that God is our refuge & strength by actually giving us things that bring peace & provide a shelter from the chaos & realities of life…or our minds.
I spent some time in the hospital last week. The psych ward. After being hypo manic for nearly 4-5 weeks I started to crash into depression close to 3 weeks ago and wound up having suicidal ideation & thoughts…I’ll talk more about this experience later but for now, I’ll just get to the intent of what I want to share with you today.
What I’ve learned since I started painting at the beginning of the year is that painting is my refuge and fills me with a strength I’ve yet to experience otherwise. Yes, at times I’ve found myself leaning on God & my faith to pull me through the rough seasons of my life….
BUT-through this season, this time of grappling with my illness and striving for longer periods of stability, I’ve come to realize that painting, brushing strokes of color across a canvas brings me a calm & peace unlike any other. When I paint, the thoughts that yell & clamor for my attention quiet down and go back sullenly to their dark corners. I choose colors & sweep them across the canvas without a single thought.
Silence. Peace. Light. Wholeness. Myself. I feel the most like myself when I paint. I paint and afterward can go and laugh with my kids, deal with the frustrations & joys of life…and the crippling pain of a mind that at times seems to want nothing more to bring about my demise & the destruction of my family.
The Bible says God is a restorer. I like to think that He’s placed this, this whatever it is in my life to do just that-restore. Restore parts of me that I forget are still there. The parts that still exist among the scattered puzzle pieces that are my brain & body chemistry.
I’ve painted quite a bit the last few days, finding solitude & comfort after a painful & desperate couple of weeks where I clutched sanity & life with as much strength I could muster. For myself. For my boys.
(Sigh)
Well here’s a look at what I’ve been working on…
What do you find comfort & strength in? What restores you?
So I’ve spent the last two days painting. It’s been awhile so my creative vibes didn’t flow as much as I hoped they would. Maybe it’s the new med combo I’m on. Or maybe I’m just rusty. It maybe I just feel more inspired & creative when I’m hypomanic. Who knows?
Anyway, the first canvas I gave up on, but the second, I liked how it started taking shape, so I decided to try and take what I’ve seen other artists do on YouTube, and try my hand at layering.
I did the base colors and started some blending last night…
and spent about an hour and a half tonight adding, blending & building upon what was there.
The result? This….
Not sure how I feel about it. I do at the very least like the brushstroke work I utilized throughout the painting.
What do you think? And seriously be honest, criticism is welcomed as long as it’s constructive. Also keep in mind I’m a newbie who knows nothing about technique.
Butterfly Confessions 