Painting: My Refuge & Strength


There’s a Psalm in the Bible that speaks of God “being our refuge & strength.”

While I am at a crossroads with my faith (more on this in another post) I’d like to believe that God is our refuge & strength by actually giving us things that bring peace & provide a shelter from the chaos & realities of life…or our minds.

I spent some time in the hospital last week. The psych ward. After being hypo manic for nearly 4-5 weeks I started to crash into depression close to 3 weeks ago and wound up having suicidal ideation & thoughts…I’ll talk more about this experience later but for now, I’ll just get to the intent of what I want to share with you today.

What I’ve learned since I started painting at the beginning of the year is that painting is my refuge and fills me with a strength I’ve yet to experience otherwise. Yes, at times I’ve found myself leaning on God & my faith to pull me through the rough seasons of my life….

BUT-through this season, this time of grappling with my illness and striving for longer periods of stability, I’ve come to realize that painting, brushing strokes of color across a canvas brings me a calm & peace unlike any other. When I paint, the thoughts that yell & clamor for my attention quiet down and go back sullenly to their dark corners. I choose colors & sweep them across the canvas without a single thought.

Silence. Peace. Light. Wholeness. Myself. I feel the most like myself when I paint. I paint and afterward can go and laugh with my kids, deal with the frustrations & joys of life…and the crippling pain of a mind that at times seems to want nothing more to bring about my demise & the destruction of my family.

The Bible says God is a restorer. I like to think that He’s placed this, this whatever it is in my life to do just that-restore. Restore parts of me that I forget are still there. The parts that still exist among the scattered puzzle pieces that are my brain & body chemistry.

I’ve painted quite a bit the last few days, finding solitude & comfort after a painful & desperate couple of weeks where I clutched sanity & life with as much strength I could muster. For myself. For my boys.

(Sigh)

Well here’s a look at what I’ve been working on…

20121028-004441.jpg

20121028-004456.jpg

20121028-004518.jpg

20121028-004540.jpg

What do you find comfort & strength in? What restores you?

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4 thoughts on “Painting: My Refuge & Strength

  1. I love the 1st and 3rd ones, how I wish I could get my hands on your work. You are an amazing woman and I’m so proud of you. I find strength in photography, it keeps me calm and distracts me when nothing else matters.

  2. The paintings are beautiful!! So glad that you have that something that helps. I find that in painting & taking pictures my thoughts are silenced. I know how important it is to have that something. Hope you are feeling better.

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