The Waiting Game


So…

My new medication Neurontin isn’t here yet. The VA and the mailman aren’t showing me any love this week (laugh).

Well I do have to give the mailman some credit. He did bring me a little gift…

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No meds…but my hair will be brilliant shades of pink and blue, which will make me feel good and help me smile…

And despite the outrageous fatigue I’ve been gobbled up by today, I traded in some Wii games for a couple of Kinect games…

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So Operations Wear Myself Out With Activity and Quality Time with Rowdy Kiddos should get the feel good fuzzies flowing and help me sleep….

Alex goes with his dad tomorrow, leaving me with just one kiddo who can be occupied with an endless marathon of Power Rangers and Netflix movies if necessary…freeing me up to just veg out…read…sleep…lay low….

And just in case I dip too low, I removed every pill bottle, OTC medication, and sharp object from my apartment. (I’ve gone through enough med changes to open a CVS so I had to trash it all) Only pills left are my Abilify-I have to keep taking those. That way if the bad thoughts mutate and intensify, self-harm won’t be an option.

I have therapy tomorrow, it’s Self-Love Saturday, and I’ve asked my friends and my mom to check on me throughout the weekend….

My meds didn’t come, and the low is here….but for once I feel ready for the darkness in the storm. Here’s to riding it out, finding a danceable rhythm in each rain drop, and looking for the rainbow once the skies clear.

He promised He’d keep me through anything I may face…and He has. The low is here, but I’m not afraid….

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4)

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3 thoughts on “The Waiting Game

  1. love you. so much. youre so brave and beautiful. Im glad you are prepared and I hope you dont have to fight too hard this weekend. Ill be here to check on you and send you love. Glad you have therapy tomorrow, I had mine today. And Ill figure out what to do for self love saturday. *HUG*

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