A Moment of Complete Honesty

Well folks, here’s the deal. My meds aren’t working. At all. And while I’m tired of riding the medicinal merry-go-round to find the right cocktail, I know it may continue to be awhile before I do. So, I have to resort to some drastic measures to manage my BP until I do….which means I have to enact a more regimented lifestyle and adhere to a pretty strict daily routine. It’s the only thing I can think of at this point because I’ve tried everything else.

I have so much riding on this semester of school; starting and finishing strong is crucial this go ’round and I’m terrified I’m losing all the ground I’ve covered thus far.

Moving closer to recovery and manageability by finding the right meds and implementing a more aggressive treatment plan is also incredibly crucial at this point y’all.

Why? Because I am not well. I can barely sit still long enough to type this…my mind has been scattered and all over the place for weeks now and I’m barely hanging on at this point. My grip on this is weakening and I’m pretty scared about it.

The general and social anxiety alone is crippling me.

I’m going to try to keep writing here…but forgive me in advance if future posts are all over the place, or if I just can’t write as much as before.  But I’m going to try.

Just wanted to give you all a heads up……..it feels like I am completely losing my mind. Seriously.




4 thoughts on “A Moment of Complete Honesty

  1. Beyond hugs to you – completely been there and it took a lot of work to get past it and still have periodic issues. You are NOT losing your mind. The meds are a challenge for 99% of us. It’s the 1 in a million that gets it right the first time. But you are stong enough to keep going. Focusing on your goals, school, getting the cocktail right, working with the anxiety, all those will help. Talking to a good therapist will really help, especially with the social anxiety. A pair of headphones when you’re out in public or in anxiety causing situations will help immensely. But most of all, please rely on your support system – wherever it is. We are here for you online, but family and/or friends to talk to are important too. Please let us be here for you. It will help so much. Also moodtracker.com if you can – tracking your moods, med changes, sleep, whether or not you’re eating – all of it will significantly aid your doc with the med side. Instead of a “I feel like crap and the meds aren’t helping” you have black and white data to allow your doc to make better recommendations. I know it’s a lot, I really do, but the feedback is important for you as well. Anxiety skews our view of reality, real data gives it back. I would be more than happy to be here for you if you like. But the first thing is to try to think of yourself as “in recovery” not a person with a mood disorder. That bit of a perception flip sounds minor but it changed my life. Whenever you need it, I’ll be here, even just to listen.

  2. With a friend like kalima123 in your corner, you’re extremely fortunate. You’re a smart, articulate woman with a solid support system behind you, including your boys and the dad of your youngest one. Get out of bed and arm yourself to face the day. Keep telling us what we can do to support you. And keep listening to those who walk in your shoes. We all love you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s