When it comes to writing and blogging, inspiration can come at any moment, in any form. For this particular post, my inspiration came while watching Brennan rock out with his new favorite Christmas gift: a Paper Jamz guitar.
For those of you who are unfamiliar, Paper Jams instruments come loaded with 2-3 songs your kiddos can rock out to. It must have been fate that chose me to pick the one I did, because guess what? It happened to have one of my favorite songs from junior high on it. It wasn’t until I was watching Brennan try out his new shredding skills though, that I actually realized the song was on there.
Before I knew it, I was up on my feet, hairbrush in hand, rocking out; Bren on his Paper Jamz, me on my fierce air Les Paul, fingers and afro flying at a furious pace…something like that Tom Cruise/Risky Business scene…
(don’t worry, I had sweatpants on)
As I slid onto the floor to finish with rockstar flair (and a serious case of rug burn) it hit me: It’s time to get free.
I don’t know about you, but 2011 was like living in Dante’s Inferno-every month depression, anxiety, BP, motherhood, relationship & health issues, and just life in general seemed to have me in a different circle of hell. I’d say that it’s a year I’d love to have erased from my memory, but there were some really incredible things and an enormous amount of growth that came from the pain and hell I went through this year. So I guess, if you look take the positive approach, I wouldn’t be where I am right now, at this moment, had it not been for everything I encountered in 2011.
I started off this year asking God to help me get rid of all the ashes in my life so I can make room for some beauty. (Isaiah 61:3 for you Bible Geeks) Had I known my ash pile was the size of Mt. Everest, I probably wouldn’t have had the balls to make such a request. But I didn’t, and so I did, and thus I spent 2011 gathering up enough dynamite to blow my mountain of ashes to smithereens. It seemed the more issues and tangles I tried to unravel, the more I tried to understand what was going on with me, the bigger the mountain became…
But here I am, at the end of the year, realizing that I’m not the same person I was back in January. Back in January, I was buried under the rubble and ashes of things I didn’t understand, issues from childhood that kept me tangled and trapped, suffocating from the demands of motherhood, and being swallowed alive by an illness raging out of control. Today, on December 30th, I’m standing next to this mountain of ashes, no longer trapped by the tangles of abuse or expectations & opinions of others, far more self-aware, finding my motherly stride again, and learning how to manage an illness that finally has a name and the proper treatment plan.
2011 has been the most definitive year of my life and I can honestly say I’m standing here at the end of it feeling the freest I’ve ever felt in my life. Free to live, free to love, free to be exactly who I am without bowing to the pressure to be defined by circumstances, illness, or anyone’s opinion about how I should be living my life in the midst of either.
So going into 2012, I thought it would be fitting to rock out to “Get Free,” by The Vines and tear down the things I’m getting free from. I don’t feel like every year is going to be different and a thousand times better than the last, but something in my gut is telling me 2012 is going to be for me…and for you. So if you’ve been through hell this year, take some time to find a way to destroy those things that beat you up all year.
Get free and live free in 2012. And dance your a– off along the way 🙂