A Tumbling Out of Thoughts

It’s been a rough couple of days…..it seems like for every forward step I take, I have a day or two where I take three or four steps back…sometimes it’s a series of events that trigger the relapse or regression….more recently it seems as though I’m hyper sensitive; the slightest touch triggers me & sets the pendulum in motion, even if it’s just for a few hours….or a day.

Being triggered and having an anxiety attack or falling into a “mood state’ reminds me of three things: how fragile my own strength really is, how important it is that I stick to my wellness plan & keep finding coping strategies to add to it, & my need for God….for His love…. It reminds me that He’s really the only one who can really bear the full brunt me when I’m like this, and it reminds me that even when I’m at my lowest, He’s still there, walking with me, “fixing me” along the way…..

(you should definitely go to youtube to watch this…trust me it’s worth the click)

Taking care of myself & believing in someone outside of myself are the only ways I know I’ll make this “manageable” & be able to put it in it’s proper place. Under control. So I can live. So I can mother. So I can be the better parts of me more often.

I’ll get there. Until then, I’m going to do my best to just…..breathe & keep moving.

Thank you #PPDChat mamas (every single one of you-those I talk to consistently in The Twitter & those of you I’ve never met who sent me hugs & love last night), The Band, & Katherine Stone for being there and reaching out these past two days. Thank you for being that safe place I can go to when I need to just say exactly how I’m feeling without worry or fear of someone thinking the worst of me. You all are seriously the best therapy 🙂 And also to my Pastor….thank you for reaching out, for your prayers, and for your words of encouragement this week. They are always timely & invaluable.


7 thoughts on “A Tumbling Out of Thoughts

  1. Mama. Gentle hugs. You’re doing it, despite the pain, the anxiety etc, you are doing it. Remember to keep your mind a step at a time, not too fast, slow and easy. You will get there and we’re here to lift you up when you need it. Keep walking in faith because it is the only way. Surrender everything to your Higher Power, He/She is the only one who can take care of you. Just let go and let Him/Her work. So proud of you, you’re feeling, you’re writing, you’re dealing with your life and this mental jungle! xxx #ppdchat Mama’s always!

  2. I’ve been away and I am so sorry that I haven’t been here for you. It breaks my heart knowing that you had a rough few days. Just remember that they were a “few days” with bad funk.
    Something that I am noticing is that my caffiene intake plays a huge role in the “Hyper” department. So far i’ve sworn off coffee, tea, chocolate (gasp) and even pop. Maybe take a look into your diet a bit. Every little bit helps right?
    I’m here always ok. Good bad…ugly…I’m here. Don’t ever be afraid to reach out. I’m just so sorry that I wasn’t there for you. Hugs.

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