First, before I write another word, I want to play and sing along with this song…..(ahem, clearing throat for serious belting out)
“WHOOOAAA OHHHHH OH OH OH, OH OH….” Ok, got that out of my system. When I buy my ukulele (which is on my life list) this will be the first song I attempt to play. I’ll tell you the second one in another post 🙂
Second, I’d like to say that I just took my meds for the day, SO, their effects are having an affect on me. In other words, physically, they make me lose my balance-ALOT. So for the first hour after I take them, I’m a complete klutz and I feel funny in head. Not in a bad way, but just in a “I just took a dose of nyquil” kind of way. So I apologize for any typos, ramblings or nonsensical things that spill forth from this paragraph on…
So. I graduated in May with an Associates in Arts. I’m so appreciative and grateful for those who supported me through that journey, but I want to take a moment and thank my therapist at the Postpartum Stress Center in Rosemont. One of the first assignments she gave me when I expressed my icky feelings about how the school had messed up my credits, was to go to the dean and asked to be “grandfathered” into the program, because they messed up and I REALLY needed to graduate. I looked at her like she was crazy….cause, I hate doing things like that. But. I went. I did it. AND IT WORKED. They adjusted some things, had to pick up an extra class, and I GRADUATED.
During this time I also took a step, no a LEAP of faith and decided to act on the pull in my gut to change my major. I love social media, but I had been feeling the urge to pursue my passion-helping people. Helping women. Mamas. Veterans. People like me who have been through what I’ve experienced. I’ll write more about that in part 2 of this post….but as I was saying, I took a giant leap of faith and applied to a school I had been told & advised had the best counseling program in the area. And it was a Christian university. The pull grew so strong, it overrode my nerves and I applied. I GOT IN. *cue the celebration music*
Well today is Tuesday. Orientation starts on Thursday and goes through the weekend. And I’m a little (re VERY) freaked out about it. Excited to be in a place where I can grow spiritually and really let my inner bible geek feast off of the knowledge of my professors, go deeper into the bible and firm up what I believe? Nervous but determined? YES very. To say I need to be here at this time in my life is an understatement.
But I’m nervous ya’ll. Of course most schools these days have “non traditional” students who take classes….but will they be in my classes with me, during the day? Not taking night classes because, hey my boys need daycare. I’m 28 with 2 kids. I know millions of women do this everyday and make it happen. I know I can make it happen, especially now that I’m taking care of myself mentally. I just…I don’t know. I want to really experience that whole “going away to college thing”. I want to be a part of the community. Get involved. Not to the point where I’m overworked or neglecting my mamahood responsibilities,but I want to be active, engaged, go to homecoming, sign up for projects and ministry outreaches. That’s why I’ve let go of things like consulting. Why I’ve let go of other duties & responsibilities at my church. (I have other reasons for this too, but that’s a WHOLE other topic) Why when things with my ex ended, I transported myself out here to an apartment I’m renting through the campus.
I feel so strongly, that I need this. I know I’m out here where I essentially know no one. I know I’m “on my own” in a sense, away from family, church, and everything that was familiar to me. But….I just can’t shake this feeling that this is how it’s supposed to be. And by feeling, I mean not some fickle matter of the heart. I’m talking destiny here folks. That whole “I have to make a drastic change in my life to progress” feeling. And while others may disagree, I’m believing that it’s God’s will. He’s working it out so far.
So my question that I pose to you is this: As a mama, am I being too unrealistic here with wanting to get the full college experience? And if I’m not, any suggestions on how to juggle, balance, manage this? I know because of my situation I’m not a traditional student…but does that mean I’m wrong or delusional for wanting this? How do I make this work for me and my boys? Anyone out there been through this? I’m taking any and all suggestions.